I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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