Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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