So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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