One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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