There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I yelled at your uterus for you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
