My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I checked into jail on foursquare
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
