I just made out with a guy for $7.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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