I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
