I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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