I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
