i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
