i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
