Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
