I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
