i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
a search helicopter?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
