i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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