We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
