And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
