It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
