idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
