i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
