Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
