so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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