I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
