to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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