Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
