Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He has the fingertips of a God
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