Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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