so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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