I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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