i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
