it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
