you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
