I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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