if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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