So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
