this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
