So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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