Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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