she looked like the bat from fern gully.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
