I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sorry about my life...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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