I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
