Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
