i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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