road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
