When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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