I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I party with great urgency now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
PANTIES FOUND
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