had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The uberlube is also flammable
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
