Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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