is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a beard to bite.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
