I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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