How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Come on in and take your pants off
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