We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
