Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
