the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
