I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this just has baby written all over it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
